
The Keyhole Vortex, the portal of entry for the
dark and commanding league of Ghost Walkers,
recently experienced an anomaly which can best
be described as a cosmic belch. Out of the throes
of this mighty and relatively disgusting emittance
(believed to have been caused by the accidental
inhalation of Dr. Nutter's Infallible Scrofulic
Thrips Cure) was delivered a prominent citizen
of Mount Dora's past, the Widow Priscilla
St Abrams Hamlin Beauclaire.
A proud member of the St Abrams clan, who
settled near Tangerine, Florida, Priscilla was
among the pioneer families of our fair city.
Distantly related to the well-known Donner
family, the St Abrams became famous in their
own right when, during the Great Depression,
they became purveyors of inexpensive comestibles
for the surrounding community; they are known
for their experimentation with fungal growths and
for being purveyors of the fine neurotoxic mold
spores that Torquemada uses on his search for
Dr. Nutter.
Sadly, the archives are silent about
the recipes for these life-rotting victuals, but the
names remain to us, a reminder of simple times:
Mrs. Nappleworth's Turpentine Gumdrops,
Father Abram's Gallberry Paste, and a delicacy
no doubt prized by the protein-starved populace,
Your Neighbor's Tender Rump Roasts. It is
believed that the nefarious Calvin Calhoun is
the inbred product of illicit liaisons under the
influence of these evil concoctions.
In one of the ironies that haunts our past, the
surrounding populace was so grateful that they
staged a torchlight procession at the St Abrams
home, which was unfortunately burned down
during the festivities. Evidence now suggests
that this possibly was the first recorded event
of Torquemada's spells of spontaneous
combustion, or Borgia's Electrical Resonance tests.
Priscilla went on to marry her cousin, Vasco
Hamlin Beauclaire. Both of Mr. Beauclaire's
grandfathers on the paternal side fought
posthumously in the Civil War. Lake Beauclaire,
just east of Mt. Dora, was named in honor of the
young couple, who took great delight in sporting
in its crystal waters, and sinking large burlap sacks
full of undisclosed contents in the deep end.
The famous underwater explorer Jacques Cousteau
attempted to recover these sacks, but perished from
an Amoebic blood infestation from the putrid
waters of the lake. To this date Mortissimo enjoys
skinny dipping there, under the full moon, while
growing a full hairy coat and barking into the night..
Priscilla was a Sunday School teacher for many
years, in addition to volunteering at the Mount Dora Women's Hospital where she sold her emollients, tinctures and emulsions. Retiring after the tragedy at Lake Beauclaire
Pier when all of her small charges were mysteriously
lost during a weenie roast. She continued active in
the Dorcas Circle, and was famous at church
bazaars for her crocheted steel-wool afghans
made of burnt Llama prepubescent fur. Brilliantly
skilled in the cookery of the native Florida abundance,
Priscilla's Royellou Quality Boardinghouse boasted
a fine table, with exotic meats in abundance, although
her business was somewhat impaired by the sudden disappearances of many of her guests. A true
daughter of the post-war South, it was Priscilla's
modest boast that nothing went to waste in her
abode - everything got eaten.
An ardent angler, she disappeared on Lake Dora
while fishing for narwhal in her small rowboat.
The absence of an anchor indicated that she must
have clutched it in her desperate bid for life.
Her faithful little dog Bug-Eye accompanied his
mistress on her last journey. It is well remembered
by the old-timers that she was especially fond of
cats and children.
Lineage and Pedigree validated by
Durban Porterfoy
Genealogist to the Mount Dora Ghost Walk